I want to call you a fool.

Fool.

I'm listening to a song for you. It's Jenny Owen Youngs' "Fuck was I" and it fits your current situation almost to a tee. Give it a listen:



Seriously, darling. What are you thinking?

We've talked it over several times and I understand that the two of you have certain similarities that make it easy for you to relate to each other in a powerful way. A large part of your relating to one another seems to be your desire to protect her and what seems to be an underlying sense of guilt...perhaps you feel that if you hadn't acted how you did initially she wouldn't have run into the problems that she did. (A logical fallacy, if I may offer an extra two cents of mho here.) I understand that you were both brought up in similar environments and that you reacted in similar ways. I understand that you have essentially fallen into the place that you are now, but what I don't understand is how you now refuse to do anything about the pit into which you have fallen.

What you have stumbled into is sacred and beautiful and important and you know and believe this as much as I do, but instead of treating this thing of yours with reverence you mold and shape your situation to fit it. You rip, tear, recolor, glue and cut your circumstance until it almost fits into what this thing requires. You are bastardizing what you are a part of in an attempt to make it more worthy of the this thing you're forcing it into. Essentially, you are dressing your infant child in clothing its' older siblings aren't yet big enough to wear.

But I can't shake the feeling that you're in the right for sticking with it, even if you're an idiot for being in this situation. This sacred thing you've committed yourself to requires work, a reality too few people realize these days. Maybe your fall into...whatever you're calling this, is a good thing. People find themselves where you are younger and less prepared and with more baggage than you have and make it work. Despite your relative freedom (the only thing holding you where you are is your guilty conscience) you are determined to make this work, supposedly for the long term.

I'm stuck between my "what the fuck are you thinking" mentality and a nagging sense of admiration.

Just make sure that you're in the right place for you. And her.

That is all.