Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Just Call Me Midas
Today I was thinking about the story of King Midas. For those who are not aware:
Once upon a time there was a king named Midas who entertained a magical creature of some kind for a few weeks. This mythical creature appreciated the favor and, before he left, told Midas that he would give him anything he wanted. Unlike King Solomon, Midas did not think to ask for something that would make him a better person or ruler. Instead, he went for riches and asked that everything he touched would turn to gold. His wish was granted. He touched a rock: gold. He touched a chair: gold. Good King Midas was ecstatic and ordered his chefs to put together a huge banquet to celebrate. (This is where too many people let the story drop off. Lookitt Mr. Midas and his magic fingers! He's gonna be the richest dude EVER.) Midas goes to his banquet and picks up a turkey leg. It turns to gold. He laughs at his stupidity and uses a fork to scoop up some mashed potatoes. As soon as they touch his lips they turn to gold. He suddenly realizes what he's asked for. He cannot touch anything without it turning to gold. Surprise... He cannot eat, he cannot drink, he cannot hug his daughter (in the Nathaniel Hawthorne version he does and he's left with a statue instead of a child). Of course he tries to revoke his wish, but that's not important to my blog entry. Brush up on your Greek mythology or read some Hawthorne if you're curious.
Anywho, I've been feeling a bit like Midas because it seems I ruin everything I touch. I've heard people change "gold" to "shit" when they are trying to express what I am, but gold is just as bad. It is just as useless and heavier. (Although it would be less smelly...pros and cons, my loves, pros and cons.) I suppose I could sell everything I turn to gold, but what am I going to buy? More things to turn into gold? That's a terrible idea. It would be impossible to enjoy anything. The point of the story (aside from the "don't be greedy" moral) is that things are perfect as they are. Trying to change one thing to another because the latter is more "valuable" is ludicrous, because things are as they are. Let it be.
Urgh, getting sidetracked.
I ruin people by not expressing myself properly. When I was at J2M2 there were some communication issues (which I had nothing to do with, for the record), so one night we all sat in the front room and were reminded about how to have a fruitful conversation. In an ideal conversation one person should express himself and his friend should repeat what she heard. If it matches what he thought he said, they are supposedly golden. If not, they should continue until they understand each other. The problem is that people are too ready to assume that they understand each other when they really don't.
If you've ever had a conversation of moderate depth with me, you've probably noticed that I'm constantly asking questions. Occasionally I'll catch myself stupidly nodding in agreement with a statement I don't understand, or flippantly believing that I understand something that I do not. However, for the most part, I will ask questions constantly in an effort to wholly understand the person to whom I am speaking. We're not as identical as we think we are. What I mean when I say "he was a jerk" is probably different than what you mean.
So my problem is that I say things and then assume that people know what I meant when I said them. For instance. I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and he was telling me about how he's a selfish person. He said it with a tinge of shame, as well he should. I told him that I admired him for at least knowing that selfishness was one of his flaws. He heard the admiration, but did not get the implications underneath it. I had a similar conversation with him later, this time with a larger group of people, and this time he spoke with outright, brash pride of his selfishness. The vice was not and is not admirable (and he really hasn't ever struck me as a selfish person...he's a generous dude), it was the self-awareness that is admirable. But, because I am evidently incapable of expressing myself, he got the wrong impression and I may very well have messed him up.
It is so easy to forget how influential small words and conversations can be. There are so many tiny words and phrases that have stuck with me for years and years because they hit my ears at the right time and were delivered by the right person in the right way. Whether they are actually any more legitimate than the scores of actual advice I've also received is up for debate, but...
Knowing that we are all constantly altering people's life paths, how are we supposed to ever say anything of depth? What if I'm exploring my own beliefs when I tell someone something? At least 50% of what I say and imply about myself is completely untrue. Not because I want to deceive anyone, but because I don't know what is true and a generic, grayscale image is easy to project and informative. When I find that I'm projecting something that I don't like based on the way it makes people treat me, I know to alter x, y, or z. ...This is way off topic.
There have been other instances where something will happen in my life and I watch my actions play out in front of my and turn people or events of my life into stone (metal, the point is they're frozen and useless) temporarily.
I think I want to be done with writing this entry now. I have no idea what I'm trying to say anymore.
Fin.
Once upon a time there was a king named Midas who entertained a magical creature of some kind for a few weeks. This mythical creature appreciated the favor and, before he left, told Midas that he would give him anything he wanted. Unlike King Solomon, Midas did not think to ask for something that would make him a better person or ruler. Instead, he went for riches and asked that everything he touched would turn to gold. His wish was granted. He touched a rock: gold. He touched a chair: gold. Good King Midas was ecstatic and ordered his chefs to put together a huge banquet to celebrate. (This is where too many people let the story drop off. Lookitt Mr. Midas and his magic fingers! He's gonna be the richest dude EVER.) Midas goes to his banquet and picks up a turkey leg. It turns to gold. He laughs at his stupidity and uses a fork to scoop up some mashed potatoes. As soon as they touch his lips they turn to gold. He suddenly realizes what he's asked for. He cannot touch anything without it turning to gold. Surprise... He cannot eat, he cannot drink, he cannot hug his daughter (in the Nathaniel Hawthorne version he does and he's left with a statue instead of a child). Of course he tries to revoke his wish, but that's not important to my blog entry. Brush up on your Greek mythology or read some Hawthorne if you're curious.
Anywho, I've been feeling a bit like Midas because it seems I ruin everything I touch. I've heard people change "gold" to "shit" when they are trying to express what I am, but gold is just as bad. It is just as useless and heavier. (Although it would be less smelly...pros and cons, my loves, pros and cons.) I suppose I could sell everything I turn to gold, but what am I going to buy? More things to turn into gold? That's a terrible idea. It would be impossible to enjoy anything. The point of the story (aside from the "don't be greedy" moral) is that things are perfect as they are. Trying to change one thing to another because the latter is more "valuable" is ludicrous, because things are as they are. Let it be.
Urgh, getting sidetracked.
I ruin people by not expressing myself properly. When I was at J2M2 there were some communication issues (which I had nothing to do with, for the record), so one night we all sat in the front room and were reminded about how to have a fruitful conversation. In an ideal conversation one person should express himself and his friend should repeat what she heard. If it matches what he thought he said, they are supposedly golden. If not, they should continue until they understand each other. The problem is that people are too ready to assume that they understand each other when they really don't.
If you've ever had a conversation of moderate depth with me, you've probably noticed that I'm constantly asking questions. Occasionally I'll catch myself stupidly nodding in agreement with a statement I don't understand, or flippantly believing that I understand something that I do not. However, for the most part, I will ask questions constantly in an effort to wholly understand the person to whom I am speaking. We're not as identical as we think we are. What I mean when I say "he was a jerk" is probably different than what you mean.
So my problem is that I say things and then assume that people know what I meant when I said them. For instance. I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and he was telling me about how he's a selfish person. He said it with a tinge of shame, as well he should. I told him that I admired him for at least knowing that selfishness was one of his flaws. He heard the admiration, but did not get the implications underneath it. I had a similar conversation with him later, this time with a larger group of people, and this time he spoke with outright, brash pride of his selfishness. The vice was not and is not admirable (and he really hasn't ever struck me as a selfish person...he's a generous dude), it was the self-awareness that is admirable. But, because I am evidently incapable of expressing myself, he got the wrong impression and I may very well have messed him up.
It is so easy to forget how influential small words and conversations can be. There are so many tiny words and phrases that have stuck with me for years and years because they hit my ears at the right time and were delivered by the right person in the right way. Whether they are actually any more legitimate than the scores of actual advice I've also received is up for debate, but...
Knowing that we are all constantly altering people's life paths, how are we supposed to ever say anything of depth? What if I'm exploring my own beliefs when I tell someone something? At least 50% of what I say and imply about myself is completely untrue. Not because I want to deceive anyone, but because I don't know what is true and a generic, grayscale image is easy to project and informative. When I find that I'm projecting something that I don't like based on the way it makes people treat me, I know to alter x, y, or z. ...This is way off topic.
There have been other instances where something will happen in my life and I watch my actions play out in front of my and turn people or events of my life into stone (metal, the point is they're frozen and useless) temporarily.
I think I want to be done with writing this entry now. I have no idea what I'm trying to say anymore.
Fin.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
National Day of Prayer
Yesterday, as I was walking to my chemistry class, I saw a student uncomfortably kneeling in a corner, face toward the wall, performing his daily prayers. It was obvious that he was trying his best to be as unobtrusive as possible, while still doing what his religion mandates. It made me smile, despite my neither being Muslim or a person who prays very often. There's something beautiful about a person praying, even if those prayers are ritualized and even if they are praying to Something I don't believe in.
That little story brings me to today. President Obama declared today the National Day of Prayer, despite Barbara Crabb's recent ruling that the day is unconstitutional. Both sides seem upset about the day. Some people are upset because Obama doesn't do the prayer service Bush did, and others are upset because the day "infringes on their constitutional rights."
I think everyone should just calm down. First, I don't think it's a bad idea to cancel the prayer service. Although it would be cool to have an official gathering of different religious groups praying together, it is not necessary. Our religious leaders can organize smaller get-togethers on their own AND, especially when everyone is so worried about money, it does not make much sense to throw it away on a prayer service. Prayer can be effectively done alone and in a closet. We don't need microphones or over-paid religious officials to do it for us. Prayer is a community activity, so it would be better to find people you care about and pray with them instead of watching someone else do it on television.
Now, for the left. Since we are making the National Day of Prayer into a constitutional issue, let's take a look at what the first amendment actually says: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." The first half, regarding establishment of religion, is obviously inapplicable to the National Day of Prayer. The second half is a bit of a gray area, but because it regards the prohibition of religious practices, I would argue that it has no authority over encouraging citizens to "pray, or otherwise give thanks, in accordance with their own faiths and consciences." Were Obama telling everyone to pray to a certain God, then we would have a problem. However, simply recognizing that people have "cherished beliefs" and giving them a day to "publicly recognize the importance of prayer" is. not. wrong.
Discounting the National Day of Prayer because one does not pray or believe in a god to whom one could pray, seems similar to discounting Black history month on the grounds that one is not black. Just because one person is different than another, it does not mean that they can not appreciate each other. If the National Day of Prayer became a day of religious reconciliation (not conversion), I think it would be doing its job. It is possible for people who do not believe in God to be involved in the day, or to turn a blind eye to it if it bothers them that much. There is no reason to complain about the existence of something that IS NOT HARMFUL.
I don't know why, in a country that prides itself on the acceptance of people of all kinds, we have so much trouble actually accepting people who do not agree with us. We don't need to require superficial assimilation. Let's appreciate each other's differences. Let's learn about and experience the things that other people love and might make us uncomfortable and then offer to teach those who are different the things we love and might make them a little uncomfortable.
...yes I'm probably a bit of a hippie.
That little story brings me to today. President Obama declared today the National Day of Prayer, despite Barbara Crabb's recent ruling that the day is unconstitutional. Both sides seem upset about the day. Some people are upset because Obama doesn't do the prayer service Bush did, and others are upset because the day "infringes on their constitutional rights."
I think everyone should just calm down. First, I don't think it's a bad idea to cancel the prayer service. Although it would be cool to have an official gathering of different religious groups praying together, it is not necessary. Our religious leaders can organize smaller get-togethers on their own AND, especially when everyone is so worried about money, it does not make much sense to throw it away on a prayer service. Prayer can be effectively done alone and in a closet. We don't need microphones or over-paid religious officials to do it for us. Prayer is a community activity, so it would be better to find people you care about and pray with them instead of watching someone else do it on television.
Now, for the left. Since we are making the National Day of Prayer into a constitutional issue, let's take a look at what the first amendment actually says: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." The first half, regarding establishment of religion, is obviously inapplicable to the National Day of Prayer. The second half is a bit of a gray area, but because it regards the prohibition of religious practices, I would argue that it has no authority over encouraging citizens to "pray, or otherwise give thanks, in accordance with their own faiths and consciences." Were Obama telling everyone to pray to a certain God, then we would have a problem. However, simply recognizing that people have "cherished beliefs" and giving them a day to "publicly recognize the importance of prayer" is. not. wrong.
Discounting the National Day of Prayer because one does not pray or believe in a god to whom one could pray, seems similar to discounting Black history month on the grounds that one is not black. Just because one person is different than another, it does not mean that they can not appreciate each other. If the National Day of Prayer became a day of religious reconciliation (not conversion), I think it would be doing its job. It is possible for people who do not believe in God to be involved in the day, or to turn a blind eye to it if it bothers them that much. There is no reason to complain about the existence of something that IS NOT HARMFUL.
I don't know why, in a country that prides itself on the acceptance of people of all kinds, we have so much trouble actually accepting people who do not agree with us. We don't need to require superficial assimilation. Let's appreciate each other's differences. Let's learn about and experience the things that other people love and might make us uncomfortable and then offer to teach those who are different the things we love and might make them a little uncomfortable.
...yes I'm probably a bit of a hippie.
Monday, May 3, 2010
no breathing
Okay: necessary preface:
The following is a very bitter song that I started writing in March as a quasi-love song. Today I found the paragraph or so of rhymes I had and I rolled with it, updating the story to its current state. It was initially going to be a rap, because as a very white girl I've always kinda sorta wondered what I would be able to do with rap. It turned into more of a song and what you are going to listen to is a free beat that I downloaded off the internet (http://beatstorm.com/) that perfectly fit my song and five different takes that I think sounded kind of cool played on top of each other. I might work on it some more and clean it up a little, but...I don't know...there's something about this version that I liked. If you don't like it, cool. If you do, cooler.
Take it with a grain of salt, though...I guess that's what my preface was trying to say. And there's only a video because blogger won't let me upload mp3s on their own. The video is just a picture of me the whole way through. Do something else while you listen. :)
yo yo yo
The following is a very bitter song that I started writing in March as a quasi-love song. Today I found the paragraph or so of rhymes I had and I rolled with it, updating the story to its current state. It was initially going to be a rap, because as a very white girl I've always kinda sorta wondered what I would be able to do with rap. It turned into more of a song and what you are going to listen to is a free beat that I downloaded off the internet (http://beatstorm.com/) that perfectly fit my song and five different takes that I think sounded kind of cool played on top of each other. I might work on it some more and clean it up a little, but...I don't know...there's something about this version that I liked. If you don't like it, cool. If you do, cooler.
Take it with a grain of salt, though...I guess that's what my preface was trying to say. And there's only a video because blogger won't let me upload mp3s on their own. The video is just a picture of me the whole way through. Do something else while you listen. :)
yo yo yo
you wanna be my beau?
you've gotta say no
or else you should just go.
'cause i just like to kiss you
an' sure i'll prolly miss you
but when you get down to it
we couldn't ever do it
you ain't got the brains
no you ain't got the smarts
i'm just bein' vain
but i'm better than you are.
see it's funny though
'cause it ain't true
you're prolly on my level
i'm just gonna revel
in my self-centered groove.
oh no. too slow? let's go.
now you're gone
it's a relief
because now i know what you think of me
you stay in touch with her and him
but somehow i fell off the rim
we stared at the stars
always hitting par
on a blanket in the grass
you pretended what i asked
was silly and distrustful
and you whispered little lies
i guess...nice try.
you're a liar and cheat
and a bit of a whore
i'm so glad i didn't trust you
'cause i don't need more
proof that the pretty ones
always let you down
this time around
i wasn't ground into the ground
so take your baby blondie
and your motherfucking friends
and show them the poetry they'll never comprehend
sail on the ocean, play in the sea
and never ever try to get back with me.
in my self-centered groove.
oh no. too slow? let's go.
now you're gone
it's a relief
because now i know what you think of me
you stay in touch with her and him
but somehow i fell off the rim
we stared at the stars
always hitting par
on a blanket in the grass
you pretended what i asked
was silly and distrustful
and you whispered little lies
i guess...nice try.
you're a liar and cheat
and a bit of a whore
i'm so glad i didn't trust you
'cause i don't need more
proof that the pretty ones
always let you down
this time around
i wasn't ground into the ground
so take your baby blondie
and your motherfucking friends
and show them the poetry they'll never comprehend
sail on the ocean, play in the sea
and never ever try to get back with me.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Reconciling Where I Am With Who I Was
Today is one of those days where I really don't like myself. I don't like that I'm 21 and living with my mother. I don't like that I'm working two half-assed jobs while attending a community college. I don't like that all of my high school friends are going to graduate college before me. I don't like that my little sister will either graduate before or at the same time as me. I don't like that I'm not getting the "college experience." And most of all I don't like that I don't like these things, because I'm really not that dissatisfied with my life. What I really don't like is that there is a timeline I feel obligated to follow. I don't like that I'm starting to feel old simply because I'm not doing everything in the right order. (Also, as a brief sidenote: I don't like that for the last year [if not more] I have never felt legitimately mentally challenged by a peer. Obviously there are people who know more things than I do, but learning something is very different [and far inferior to] being challenged by something.)
I was watching the television show Community the other day, which chronicles the existence of a Spanish study group at a community college. Wonderfully often the characters run up against certain experiences that are unique to community colleges. This week a group of high school students was featured as a collection of overly intelligent, snobbish jerks who follow our beloved study group around, taunting them for being at a community college, because, obviously, unless you are a high school student proving your super-intelligence by attending a college whilst being in high school, community colleges represent stupidity or failure of some kind.
10-1 says most high school students (people) believe this. I say this for several reasons:
1. Community colleges are notorious for being for:
a. Those who cannot afford a 4-year school. (Which shouldn't mean anything, but it implies a lack of money, and any deficiency, even if it is as basal a thing as money, can be grounds for viewing an individual as less-than. Stupid? Yes. True, irregardless? Yup.)
b. Those who slacked off in high school and are now making up for it by using a community college to up their gpa.
c. Those who ran into some kind of life issue that prohibits them from taking the usual route. Dropouts, the kids that got pregnant, the ones who decided to do life before they did school or maybe it was as simple as *insert tragic/mundanely common circumstance here*. The reality is that they couldn't do what everyone else did, so they're following plan b (c, d, e, f, g...etc.)
2. When I was in high school and doing PSEO (Post-secondary education option, ie college in high school) I was pretty well convinced that I was more intelligent than my fellow students. (Hey, anecdotal evidence counts for something. 99% of life experience can be summed up anecdotally, so I refuse to not take it into account.)
3. Largely because of point 2 (which stands despite my encouragement and support of friends who attended community colleges before me) I would never have planned to attend one outside of a PSEO program. My decision to go to this school was literally of the split second variety. I had no other plan, so I emailed the school late one night and asked if they'd let me sign up for classes, even though they had started the previous week. They did and badda-bing, badda-boom, here I am. (The very observant will notice that this doesn't really support my point, meaning that it is anecdotal evidence minus the evidence. Mwahaha. It's my blog, I'll do what I want.)
4. It's pretty obvious that the current high school students attending my community college believe in the inferiority of community college students. They would never seriously say as much, but a large group of them implied as much the other day, and honestly, as points 2 and 3 prove, I can't really blame them because I've felt the same way.
5. It's largely true. Most of my classes are made up of students with children, stay at home moms who are finally trying to do something for themselves, international students who had to start somewhere, slackers, the grossly unintelligent, people with family issues who need/want to stay close to home, and those who try really hard to keep their heads down because they think they are better than anyone else, a fact which makes them more ashamed than it does proud. Some people fall into several of these categories.
Now, for the record, I've loved my time at my community college. I've had several teachers here who are better (more caring, intelligent, well-spoken, better prepared, etc.) than teachers at my 4-year schools. I have met some really amazing (charismatic, witty, unique, fun) peers during my time here. I've been involved in an, although small, really solid theater program. I have participated in several other student organizations that are well put-together and composed of wonderfully passionate students and teachers. And despite all of this, social stigma or something similar dictates that a little ember of shame about my time at a community college remains niggling inside of me.
The problem is that my current dissatisfaction with myself has very little to do with myself and everything to do with other people. The way I am living my life does not conform to the standards that our world suggests is the "right way" of doing things and the thought of that actually thrills me a little bit, because it's trendy to be different these days. Conformity by virtue of uniqueness, yo.
It's just so easy to tell a person that they are either bound to be a failure or already are because they aren't doing life the "right" way. I know that I shouldn't take offense to this because of its unoriginality and because of our supposed need, as people, to find our importance in ourselves instead of in others, but... I'm human. It sucks when people make untrue assumptions about me because of where my life and my respective decisions have put me. It sucks that I'm too much of a pansy to put them in their place with anything more creative or true than "well...what have you done with YOUR life that you're excited about?"
Their life paths are no less legitimate than mine just because they are following the world's suggestion as to how to do life right, either. If they're happy, they're happy. Ad hominem aside, I just want for people to see me as I am.
Let me be confused without adding to my confusion. I guess that's what I'm asking. I am nowhere near where I expected to be in this 5th month of 2010. I was going to follow the 4-year plan, double majoring in philosophy and film at a four year school on the east coast. I was going to be your typical, liberal arts student with a passion for the world and a trendy detachment from herself that she would never recognize as such. I got accepted to every school I applied to. I picked one, I went there, I started down the road to my potential future life... Shit happened and I'm not close to that person or path anymore.
Let's make a deal:
Don't illegitimize my hurt and its repercussions just because it doesn't look like your life plan and I won't bash you for being a lemming.
I was watching the television show Community the other day, which chronicles the existence of a Spanish study group at a community college. Wonderfully often the characters run up against certain experiences that are unique to community colleges. This week a group of high school students was featured as a collection of overly intelligent, snobbish jerks who follow our beloved study group around, taunting them for being at a community college, because, obviously, unless you are a high school student proving your super-intelligence by attending a college whilst being in high school, community colleges represent stupidity or failure of some kind.
10-1 says most high school students (people) believe this. I say this for several reasons:
1. Community colleges are notorious for being for:
a. Those who cannot afford a 4-year school. (Which shouldn't mean anything, but it implies a lack of money, and any deficiency, even if it is as basal a thing as money, can be grounds for viewing an individual as less-than. Stupid? Yes. True, irregardless? Yup.)
b. Those who slacked off in high school and are now making up for it by using a community college to up their gpa.
c. Those who ran into some kind of life issue that prohibits them from taking the usual route. Dropouts, the kids that got pregnant, the ones who decided to do life before they did school or maybe it was as simple as *insert tragic/mundanely common circumstance here*. The reality is that they couldn't do what everyone else did, so they're following plan b (c, d, e, f, g...etc.)
2. When I was in high school and doing PSEO (Post-secondary education option, ie college in high school) I was pretty well convinced that I was more intelligent than my fellow students. (Hey, anecdotal evidence counts for something. 99% of life experience can be summed up anecdotally, so I refuse to not take it into account.)
3. Largely because of point 2 (which stands despite my encouragement and support of friends who attended community colleges before me) I would never have planned to attend one outside of a PSEO program. My decision to go to this school was literally of the split second variety. I had no other plan, so I emailed the school late one night and asked if they'd let me sign up for classes, even though they had started the previous week. They did and badda-bing, badda-boom, here I am. (The very observant will notice that this doesn't really support my point, meaning that it is anecdotal evidence minus the evidence. Mwahaha. It's my blog, I'll do what I want.)
4. It's pretty obvious that the current high school students attending my community college believe in the inferiority of community college students. They would never seriously say as much, but a large group of them implied as much the other day, and honestly, as points 2 and 3 prove, I can't really blame them because I've felt the same way.
5. It's largely true. Most of my classes are made up of students with children, stay at home moms who are finally trying to do something for themselves, international students who had to start somewhere, slackers, the grossly unintelligent, people with family issues who need/want to stay close to home, and those who try really hard to keep their heads down because they think they are better than anyone else, a fact which makes them more ashamed than it does proud. Some people fall into several of these categories.
Now, for the record, I've loved my time at my community college. I've had several teachers here who are better (more caring, intelligent, well-spoken, better prepared, etc.) than teachers at my 4-year schools. I have met some really amazing (charismatic, witty, unique, fun) peers during my time here. I've been involved in an, although small, really solid theater program. I have participated in several other student organizations that are well put-together and composed of wonderfully passionate students and teachers. And despite all of this, social stigma or something similar dictates that a little ember of shame about my time at a community college remains niggling inside of me.
The problem is that my current dissatisfaction with myself has very little to do with myself and everything to do with other people. The way I am living my life does not conform to the standards that our world suggests is the "right way" of doing things and the thought of that actually thrills me a little bit, because it's trendy to be different these days. Conformity by virtue of uniqueness, yo.
It's just so easy to tell a person that they are either bound to be a failure or already are because they aren't doing life the "right" way. I know that I shouldn't take offense to this because of its unoriginality and because of our supposed need, as people, to find our importance in ourselves instead of in others, but... I'm human. It sucks when people make untrue assumptions about me because of where my life and my respective decisions have put me. It sucks that I'm too much of a pansy to put them in their place with anything more creative or true than "well...what have you done with YOUR life that you're excited about?"
Their life paths are no less legitimate than mine just because they are following the world's suggestion as to how to do life right, either. If they're happy, they're happy. Ad hominem aside, I just want for people to see me as I am.
Let me be confused without adding to my confusion. I guess that's what I'm asking. I am nowhere near where I expected to be in this 5th month of 2010. I was going to follow the 4-year plan, double majoring in philosophy and film at a four year school on the east coast. I was going to be your typical, liberal arts student with a passion for the world and a trendy detachment from herself that she would never recognize as such. I got accepted to every school I applied to. I picked one, I went there, I started down the road to my potential future life... Shit happened and I'm not close to that person or path anymore.
Let's make a deal:
Don't illegitimize my hurt and its repercussions just because it doesn't look like your life plan and I won't bash you for being a lemming.
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